Two months ago, I was feeling great about my job. I had been at the company for 7 years and unfortunately the company was bought out and went through many re-organizations in the last two years I was there. One of the re-orgs forced me into a department and position I didn't want, didn't ask for and didn't feel I was qualified for. I was devastated. I was demoted in order to move to the other department and I felt de-valued, unappreciated and fell into an extreme depression. Every day I walked in to the office after that was humilating and depressing.
Eight months later, I was feeling better about my job. I thought I was doing so well! I thought I was doing great making the best of a bad situation. I went overboard trying to make it work. I literally worked 7 days a week. Logging in to work (I worked from home) at 5 am and never fully logging out until I went to bed. My phone was glued to my pocket, I answered it during family dinners, dates with my husband, days I was so sick in bed I couldn't move.
I took every course I could find to re-train myself for the new position. I paid for a membership to an industry association and went to monthly meetings and classes. I signed up and paid for a certification test for my position that I was scheduled to take this summer. I followed all the directions of my manager and literally threw every thing I had into being the best I could be, including putting up with daily severe emotional abuse from employees in other department. The emotional abuse was so bad I literally was in tears most days.
Despite my best efforts, the company went through another round of lay offs. I was laid off on 02/02/2018. I again felt de-valued, humiliated and devastated. Especially, because some of the employees they did keep worked half has many hours as I did, put much less effort in and had been at the company far less time than I had.
Climbing Out of the Hole
So now it's March. It's been a hard month. I still don't have a full-time job. I spent 3 weeks crying and panicking and feeling like giving up. I still have those days.
However, some other things are happening too. I'm feeling a bit better.
As I get farther away from that job, I get more perspective. I realize that it was a job that made me miserable. The company was toxic and provided no support. They allowed verbal and emotional abuse. They expected you to give up your life in exhange for a paycheck.
Now that I'm unemployed I'm re-discovering life. I'm spending time with my husband and my dogs. I learned I love chickens and gardening. I can't stop planting. I have time to learn new things, craft and actually talk to people that aren't co-workers. Most of all, I'm slowly gaining my confidence back, instead of being beat down every day, I'm learning that I'm better at things than I thought I was.
Only a month end, life is still really hard right now. I need to find full-time work or life will be even harder. I'm starting to be grateful though that I was laid off. I think it may be just a bit more of a blessing than a curse.
Hopefully my unemployment journey will be a case of one door closing and a much better one opening.