18 March 2018

Involuntarily Unemployed: Curse or Blessing?

Conquer Fear Every Day

The Heartache

Two months ago, I was feeling great about my job. I had been at the company for 7 years and unfortunately the company was bought out and went through many re-organizations in the last two years I was there. One of the re-orgs forced me into a department and position I didn't want, didn't ask for and didn't feel I was qualified for. I was devastated. I was demoted in order to move to the other department and I felt de-valued, unappreciated and fell into an extreme depression. Every day I walked in to the office after that was humilating and depressing.

Eight months later, I was feeling better about my job. I thought I was doing so well! I thought I was doing great making the best of a bad situation. I went overboard trying to make it work. I literally worked 7 days a week. Logging in to work (I worked from home) at 5 am and never fully logging out until I went to bed. My phone was glued to my pocket, I answered it during family dinners, dates with my husband, days I was so sick in bed I couldn't move.

I took every course I could find to re-train myself for the new position. I paid for a membership to an industry association and went to monthly meetings and classes. I signed up and paid for a certification test for my position that I was scheduled to take this summer.  I followed all the directions of my manager and literally threw every thing I had into being the best I could be, including putting up with daily severe emotional abuse from employees in other department. The emotional abuse was so bad I literally was in tears most days.

Despite my best efforts, the company went through another round of lay offs. I was laid off on 02/02/2018. I again felt de-valued, humiliated and devastated. Especially, because some of the employees they did keep worked half has many hours as I did, put much less effort in and had been at the company far less time than I had.

Climbing Out of the Hole

So now it's March. It's been a hard month. I still don't have a full-time job. I spent 3 weeks crying and panicking and feeling like giving up. I still have those days.

However, some other things are happening too. I'm feeling a bit better.

As I get farther away from that job, I get more perspective. I realize that it was a job that made me miserable. The company was toxic and provided no support. They allowed verbal and emotional abuse. They expected you to give up your life in exhange for a paycheck.

Now that I'm unemployed I'm re-discovering life. I'm spending time with my husband and my dogs. I learned I love chickens and gardening. I can't stop planting. I have time to learn new things, craft and actually talk to people that aren't co-workers. Most of all, I'm slowly gaining my confidence back, instead of being beat down every day, I'm learning that I'm better at things than I thought I was.

Only a month end, life is still really hard right now. I need to find full-time work or life will be even harder. I'm starting to be grateful though that I was laid off. I think it may be just a bit more of a blessing than a curse.

Hopefully my unemployment journey will be a case of one door closing and a much better one opening.


  1. Congrats! Some times it is really hard to see the world as half full but take this opportunity to make the changes that you want life will never get better unless you make the change!

  2. I'm sorry you had such a tough time in your job, I hope that this does lead to bigger and better things for you and after relaxing and recovering you find the perfect role!